Monday, June 22, 2009

My 3 dads...

Another Fathers Day has come and gone. Each Fathers Day I sit and think about what I have and a little of what I don't have. Let me start with my Dad. When I was little I remember being with him a lot, mostly holiday things but sometimes just hanging out. As I got older the time we spent together was less and less. It was about when I turned 16 that things took a dramatic turn. I don't know why, I wanted to spend time with him but it just seemed like he didn't want to spend time with me. I remember my senior year stressing over senior night because I just wasn't sure if he would show up or not so I didn't know if I should include him in the program or not. Well, sure enough about 5 min before we started, he showed up. My life with him has pretty much been this way. Stress and cry because I was not sure if he would be there or not. I remember one Fathers Day not that long ago I called him, like all good daughters do, and we talked for a total of 48 seconds! 48 SECONDS! Are you kidding me?!?! In 2003 one of the biggest events of my life took place, my wedding. I decided that my dad would not walk me down the aisle nor would he sit with the family. This was a really hard decision for me to make and lots of tears were shed over this. I was pretty much removing my dad from my "family" and making him just part of the crowd. But, he kind of did that himself. I tried, I tried SO hard to get him to notice me, to get him to want to be part of my life, to get him to accept me, but for whatever reason the older I got the more he pulled away. In 2005 my beautiful Miss Madison was born. To this date he has never seen her and I am not sure if I really want him to or not, I don't want her to have to go through what I went through, she does not need that. This past April I had my second beautiful daughter, Mallory. Honestly, I am not even sure if he knows about her. Some of you may be wondering why I don't just pick up the phone and call him well, I don't have his number, I have no clue where he lives, and honestly I am not sure I want him in my life anymore. I don't think I can handle the roller coaster of emotions anymore. I did try a lot harder when I was younger, I would call, I sent Christmas cards, etc. I really don't want anything in return other than a phone call that lasts longer than 48 seconds! I do love him, after all he is my dad and I would not be who I am now without him. I do worry about him, he hasn't always made the best choices. I do hope for the best for him.

The next man that came into my life, VERY shortly after my dad, is my Grandpa. I love him so much! Sure growing up with him was pretty hard at times, he was very strict. I did not see why he had to be so strict back then but boy do I ever see why now! lol I am glad he was like that. He has always given me the unconditional love and support a true dad should give his little girl. I am so glad I was able to grow up in his shadow. My grandpa is such a strong, loving, caring person. He has such a good heart and is SO smart in so many ways. He taught me so many things. He taught me how to cook, how to do some pretty cool science things, more about rocks than I think I ever wanted to know, he taught me how to fish, and though I don't remember it all he did teach me about oil wells. He showed me wild onions in the woods behind the house, he showed me how to pick apples and how to do this pretty cool thing that makes an apple tree into a pair tree! He is part of the reason I LOVE to travel! I always included him in everything because to me, he is my real dad. He walked me down the aisle and we danced the father/daughter dance together at my wedding. He is so good with my girls. I can't imagine how my life would have been without him being a part of it.

When I was 19 another very important man entered my life. My stepdad. I really don't think he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. When David and my mom got married, I was not the most pleasant person to be around. I was going through a REALLY tough time. I was growing and rebelling and trying to figure out just who I was. But David was there, beside my mom, every step of the way. I knew I could go to him and talk about things. He has such a big heart. It is true that God puts certain people in your life for a reason. David has also taught me a lot of things. I have learned about wine, scotch, and more about the average house fly than anyone wants to know! lol I have learned a lot about the Bible and God. Yes, I did learn this growing up but I have also come to the realization that as you get older you have even more questions. I like our conversations about the Bible and God, I am not even sure my mom knows I talk to him about this stuff (well she does now lol) it is kind of like our little "thing". We have always gotten along so well, except for a few weeks ago we got into our first argument and boy was that tough! He and I have very strong beliefs in what we each believe in so when it comes to trying to prove our point it can get pretty heated I learned. David also walked me down the aisle and I am glad he did. I can not imagine how my life would be without him in it. Sure, he may do some things a little odd but that is just him. I am so glad I am his daughter. I am even happier that my girls have them as their Grandad. The sparkle in his eyes when he sees them is just awesome!

So, there you have part of the story behind my 3 dads. And even though some of it has been hard, I would not change any of it. I would not be the wonderful person I am today if it had been any other way.

1 comment:

babyyahyah said...

i am sorry about your first dad...but interesting story about all your dads.