A letter to a dear friend

Today you are going into surgery. It scares me to death! I know you will be ok but the worry never really ends. Do you remember the last time we saw each other, it was just a few weeks ago? It was SO hard to see you! I don’t know why, maybe because it made it real. Until then we had only talked on the phone since we got the BIG news and actually seeing you just made it all real. I wanted to cry so bad, I wanted to give you a hug and never let go. But I knew I could not do either. I need to be strong for you and I am trying my best. You have always been strong for me when I needed you to. You have been such a wonderful influence on my life. I thank God every day that he has allowed you to help mold me into the person I am today and will be tomorrow. You are my angel on Earth. I am so sorry you have to go through this. You do not deserve it at all, but you know that and I know it doesn’t make it any easier for me to say it. I don’t know what to say a lot when we talk now. I don’t want to ask you about what is going on or what you are going through because you have 5 million other people asking so I just try to stay off the subject as much as possible. I don’t think I have ever thanked you for all the things you have done for me. You will truly never know how grateful I am, there are just not enough words to express it. I am so thankful for who you are. I am so thankful my girls will grow up having you in their lives. You are such a beautiful person both inside and out, you are caring, loving, brave and so so strong. You are a wonderful daughter, sister, aunt, mom and friend. Everyone that has been blessed to have you in their lives would agree with that. I wish I could take your pain away, I wish you did not have to go through all of this. I wish I could just make it all go away. But, we will get through this. Together. Like we have gotten through so many other things. I will stand strong beside you and we WILL fight this and we WILL get through this! We will persevere, we will fight with all of our might, and we will prevail! I love you. I know I do not say it near as much as I should and I don’t know why but it is hard for me to say to you. Isn’t that silly? It should be so natural. But, I do love you. God will be holding you in his arms this morning and he will guide the surgeon’s hands and he will wrap us all in his loving embrace as we face this long hard battle. He will get us through.

Picture time

A few pics from the last few days I thought I would share

Daddy and Madison watching the parade.

It still amazes me how these guys fit in these little cars!

Just wanted to share a GREAT idea I have seen a few places. My kitchen is EXTREMELY small! I have NO place for most of my food. So I got a shoe organizer that goes over the door and put my prepacked things in it. Madison has her own row and knows she can go in and get some goodies if she feels the need! lol

Look! She is sitting in her highchair! Sooo cute! She loves being in the kitchen with me.

Well when it rains it pours!!

Mallory is GREAT! FANTASTIC actually! Her doc was very pleased with her weight, she is now at 10 pounds 5 ounces!! WOW! She agreed that for whatever reason my children do not like to grow until they get closer to their due date! lol She said to make sure and remember that for next time....um does she know something I don't? lol She said the bumps ALL over Mallory's face, head, ears, and neck are some fungal thing. Nice. So she gave us some cream for that. NOW....on to Miss Madison. Last night while giving her a bath I noticed bumps on her back, shoulders and three on her chest/stomach. They did NOT look like what Mallory has at all. So while we were at the doctor today we had her look at them. After she called her assistant in to confirm we were given the news that what Madison has is.......freaking CHICKEN POX! WTH?!?! She had both the vaccine AND the booster! I knew going in that they were not 100% but I took the chance and gave her the shots anyway. Good news is that since she has had the shot she 'should' have a MUCH milder case, thank God! I still remember when I had chicken pox, I remember the very first one I got. My cousin thought it was an infected hair! ROFL Nope! lol Anyway, Dr. J gave us some meds for both of the girls. For Miss Madison it will help them go away and for Miss Mallory it will help them stay away! I just pray Mal does not get them, that would just be terrible! So, so far my birthday has been pretty interesting. Guess I will always remember when I turned twenty-something. lol I don't know though if this one beats my 21st when our house flooded! lol Hopefully it does not get anymore interesting tonight! Just a nice fun night with the family that is non eventful is all I want! Oh, and ice cream-cake! lol

It's been awhile since my last update

So allow me to update you all.

Mallory goes in for her one month check up tomorrow! I can't believe it has already been a month! Wow! She is getting so big. I weighed her the other day and she is already over 10 pounds! lol She is such a little chunk! Sooo stinking cute! She has all of these little spots on her face that we are concerned about, not to sure what they are. Hopefully it is just baby acne, we will find out tomorrow I am sure. Her cord finally fell off last weekend, boy was that nasty! It came off a bit earlier than I think it was ready for so it was pretty goopy for a few days. It looks great now though. I think I figured out that she sleeps great if she is in her bed but if we put her in the bed downstairs she cries until you pick her up and hold her! Spoiled kid! lol

Our house is ALMOST done!! YAY! My hubby has been working SO hard! He needs a vacation! We should be able to move back in, for real, next week! I am SO excited about that!! He and his friend Chris finished hanging the sheetrock last night. John is going to tape and mud the joints (?) today then he thinks he and his mom will be painting tomorrow!! Carpet should be going down Thursday or Friday! I am debating on going home Monday or Wednesday.

I am doing pretty good. I lost another 2 pounds! YAY! So I am now actually losing weight, I have lost all of my baby weight from Miss Mallory and am now down 2 pounds of baby weight from Miss Madison! lol WooHoo! Hopefully I can keep this up when I go home and am not going up and down stairs 10 times a day! lol Guess I will have to get that treadmill set up and actually use it! My birthday is TOMORROW!!! I will be 26 this year. ROFL Yeah right. I don't know why but I am having a hard time with this birthday, maybe it is because I remember when my mom turned 28! lol Weird! This past year has just been a blur! It was full of trying to get pregnant and then my pregnancy, losing a job and going back to one I love, then not working at all! I lost a couple of family members along the way and gained a few more. Hopefully this year will bring even more happiness and less sorrow.

Love, Peace and Lactation Consultants??

Well, I went to see a lactation consultant today. I just could not bear the thought of not being able to breast feed at all! I am SO glad I went! Mallory put on 9 ounces this weekend!!!! YAY! The consultant showed me a few things I was doing wrong and told me that at this point she would just supplement with my own milk after I feed her, instead of the formula, if she still seemed hungry. OK! I can SO do that! Penny (the consultant) called our pediatrician and told her about the weight gain thinking that I would not have to go in for a weight check. I got back to my moms, pulled in the driveway and the ped's office called. They wanted me to still come in today for the weight check because scales can differ and since Mallory gained SO much over the weekend they just wanted to make sure. I had to stop and feed her on my way there, we weighed her and she gained another ounce! lol We now do not have to go back until her one month check up because she has passed her birth weight! YAY! I am SO excited about that! I was getting SO sick of that stupid drive! lol Oh, I also forgot, Penny wanted me to rent a scale so I can figure out just how much Mallory is eating. So I have to change her diaper, weigh her, feed her then weigh her again. No biggie, it will help me figure things out. So we are FINALLY to a point that I am not worried any more. I knew the closer we got to her actual due date the better she would be, it is just getting the doctors to listen to me! grrrr! Moms do know best sometimes!

Now the house, we found our mattress this weekend! We got a king size! OMG I am SO excited about that! This will be our first new mattress. Neither one of us has ever had a brand new mattress! lol We have always had a hand-me-down. Now I just have to get sheets and a new blanket since all we have are queen size. The roofer was supposed to start tomorrow but I don't see that happening since it is supposed to rain AGAIN! I really don't know when they will be able to get the roof done since it has rained just about every day for the past 2.5 weeks now! John still has a few little things to do on the rooms but he is getting there. We will probably move back in on Monday or Tuesday. YAY! I can't wait! Don't get me wrong, being at my moms has been great but I am just ready to be home!

4/28 update....

WE HAVE MOLD! :( I went to the house yesterday, while I was there a few things happened. A man came by thinking our house was John's sisters house and asked if we needed someone to finish the roof. SO, the guy will start Monday as long as it isn't raining. I am so glad this happened, that is one less thing John has to worry about. Then, I was reading some mail and overheard John and his sister Sandra talking about something that wasn't good so of course I had to go see what they were talking about. They found mold in our bathroom, then checked the walls in our bedroom and there was more in there and then found some in the nursery. John called the insurance company and they will be getting back with us today, he also called Burgraff (the restoration company) and they are supposed to be coming by today with a supervisor. Some of the walls were still wet and they should not have been at all! The girls and I are still at my moms house, there is NO WAY I am going back in that house with them until the mold is gone! It is just really hard being away from John right now, but at least I still get to see him a couple of times a week. Mallory~ Is doing just great! We are done with the lights, her levels are down and the jaundice is pretty much gone now. Since I had to bottle feed her all weekend she isn't wanting to latch on to me now. :( I am going to see how the next few feedings go then we may make a run to the hospital and talk to a lactation consultant. She is up to 8 pounds 3 ounces! She gained 7 ounces in 3 days, which I have learned is REALLY good! lol Her doctor was actually surprised she gained so much. She asked me how I did it but really it was all Mallory. She FINALLY went to the bathroom a few really good times then ate like a little piggy! lol I never thought in my life I would be so happy about a baby pooping! She is starting to become more alert now, it just isn't always at the right time of day. She likes to stay up until about 1-2:00am and then is up again to eat at 4:00! Oy! But she is doing great! Thank you for all of the prayers!I am doing better as well. Well, I was until yesterday! lol Sunday was a good day, I did not cry at all until I had to say bye to John. Yesterday was great until they found the mold. I even looked cute! lol I am able to drive myself now, that is an awesome feeling! lol You forget just how much you miss not having to rely on someone and can just go and do whatever. I took Madison to Target to get a few things Sunday, it was nice to get out and spend some time with just her. Madison is still doing really well and is an awesome big sister! She just loves Mallory, always has to kiss her and touch her. Too cute. Oh and to Stacy ( I think it was you that asked) we have Travelers insurance.

Update on baby and house

Ok, so we already have our checks from the insurance company! We have a check to cover the replacement of the floors, the ceilings and a few other things, then a separate check to cover the cost of a new mattress. John has been doing what he can when he can with the roof, the girls and I are now at my moms for who knows how long so he can get more done. Hopefully we can get things done fast and be back in our home soon, the clean up is going to SUCK though! Mallory had her first doctors appointment on Tuesday. She weighs the exact same she did when we left the hospital. The doctor thought she looked REALLY jaundice so we had to do a blood test. Her level is 15.9%!! Not good! We were given lights to place her under until Thursday. She is to be under the lights at all times except when eating or having her diaper changed. I have to feed her every two hours, I only have 30 min to feed, change and calm her then back under the lights, after 15 min I have to check her temp then I can go to sleep for about an hour and start the process all over again. We go back in tomorrow to check her weight and levels again and hopefully we will be done with this. I swear it just is not stopping for us! :( Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.As for me, I am holding on, as much as I can anyway. Yesterday was a really bad day for me, I cried pretty much all day. I am not worried about PPD because I think if our house was not a complete mess I would be totally fine with everything that is going on. But I do know the signs to watch for, so does John and will call if I start showing any signs. Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I love you all.
Brandi

Not the homecoming we were expecting

We left the hospital around 3:30pm Saturday afternoon. Since Mallory was 3 weeks early we needed to make a quick BRU run to pick up some birp cloths, receiving blankets and a few other things. Then we were on our way home, so we thought! lol We had to stop once more because both girls were hungry. So we fed them and THEN we got going. We got home around 7:30 pm. John ran to unlock the doors and turn some lights on. He came back out and just stood on the front porch with this look on his face and I just knew something was wrong. For the past week John had been working on our roof because it needs to be replaced. Well he had to stop because it had rained earlier in the week. Little did we know it also stormed pretty bad while we were in the hospital. On the way home we noticed hail along the side of the road, it looked like snow, there was just so much of it! Then we pulled into our neighborhood and noticed leafs and grass stuck to the side of every ones houses. I just knew it would not be good. So he came to the car and told me it was not good and I needed to go look. I walked in the house and could hear water running, I headed back to our bedroom and just about passed out. Our ceiling fell in and water was EVERY WHERE! :( Our bed is gone, our dressers are gone, ALL of our clothes (clean and dirty) are wet and ALL need to be rewashed, they pulled the carpet up, ripped the ceiling out in the bedroom and utility room, the flooring is gone in the utility room and our bathroom, fans are every where drying things out. Lucky the family brigade is either here or on their way to help get things taken care of. We called the insurance company and then the restoration company. The restoration company came out and took care of things last night and will be back Monday to finish things up and then eventually be back to redo the rooms/house. It definitely was not the situation I was picturing walking into with our new baby. We are pretty much homeless right now, not really but it sure does feel that way. We are staying at the hotel right now and will then move to either the family cabins at the lake or to my moms. I am so grateful for our family, I feel bad having to lean on them and have to actually ask for help but mom keeps reassuring me that this is what they are there for and not worry about it. She keeps saying it will all be taken care of but I feel bad, our house was a complete mess before we left because we thought we had 3 more weeks to clean and get things in their place. Please just keep us all in your prayers and thoughts. I will let you know how things are going when we know more.
Brandi